50 Really Bad Baby Names

September 15, 2009

50 Really Bad Baby Names

I’m all for new original names, to repeat the same set of names over and over would be extremely dull, language evolves names evolve; fabulous keeps us all on our toes. However I do have a couple of misgivings with some people’s choices – like giving names that are ‘funny.’  Yeah; really funny just around about the time you get the munchies and ending at around about the time you take the first slow sip of your morning coffee. Even the best joke in the world is only funny for 5 minutes – ok maybe half an hour – ok maybe every time you relive it with friends & wine – but for a whole life time no.  The other one is names like Unique – not so much the name but the reason, where people say I want my child to have a unique name because they are; now it’s true they are, but so is every child, and so in fact is a snowflake a finger tip a leaf a dog and a sandwich – in fact everything is unique, in fact being unique is the most common thing in the world – here’s some unique baby names for you; Predominant Prevalent Rampant Rife and Widespread.

When we name a child we label them with an expression of who we are not who they are, I once knew a lady called Joy Love, we all called her Misery Arse. My point, some names just do not suit their owners. Maybe the person named Ikea would prefer to be called Habitat, maybe the person named Arsenal would prefer to be called West-Ham and maybe the bloke named Excalibourgh would prefer to be called John. We don’t know so surely it would be better, if we insist on getting all creative is to re-name ourselves Moon Buggy / Popsicle / Crop Circle whatever…. rather than put our children through tortuous embarrassment. To name but a few situations – Morning Registration; Wayne Caird, here. Adora Dix, here. Iona Handcock, here. Then dating – who did you say you were going out with tonight dear? Batman. And Job interview; so Mr Hitler you’d like to work for the National Health Service. These things must be thought through.

And here they are:

NA means requested at registration but somehow not allowed

A. Adolf Hitler, Alka Seltzer, Armani, Arsenal, Avon, Abercrombie

B. Bubba, Baby Jesus, Bread, Babeloffery, Batman, Benson & Hedges, Baby Jesus Queen

C. Candy Barr, Catatonia, Cartier

D. D’Artagnan, Dianionique, Disney

E. Excalibourgh, Entrafemour, Everest, ESPN

F. Female, Free, Freedom, Fexiflossah, Fish&Chips [NA] Friday, Fitch

G. God [NA]

I. Ikea, Iona Handcock, Ivor Dix, Adora Dix

J.  Jackie O, John Thomas

K.  Krapholeanalee, Ken Tucky, Keenan Got Lucy [NA]

L.  Lexus, L’Oreal

M. Mary Christmas, Marijuana Pepsi Jackson, Memory, Maybe Barnes, Mike Hunt

N. Number 16 Bus Shelter, Non-Smo-Kang, Notwithstanding Griswold

O. Oral Sunshine Dust, Octogonrae,

P. Peanut, Puma, Pokemon, Pleasant Titty

R. Russell Prout, Ruby Cox, Rehab, Reality, Redrum, Rusty Dicks

S. Smack Head, Savlon, Snow White, Superman, Scatman, Sex Fruit [NA], Sandy Butts

T. Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii, Tarzan, Tinkerbell, Trixiebell, Timberland

U. Usmail, Usnavy, Unlawful, Unique, Urchines Kendall Icy Eight Special K,

V. Violence, Ventura

W. Wayne Caird

X. Xerox

Y. Yeah Detroit [NA]

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